comin’ at ya from the future this time. it is weird out here — we do everything on our phones and Duran Duran aren’t even a thing anymore. i know. but you’re gonna love it. promise. i’m writing from a bar in Atlanta because i worked from home today, but had to get out of the house this afternoon because it’s a nanny afternoon, and being at home while she’s there just completely goes against the whole point of the arrangement. i don’t want to ruin everything for you by telling you all the details about how we ended up in Atlanta with a 2-afternoon nanny. i know you thought it was going to be New York and children definitely weren’t involved. but i promise this is a good place — even though some of the getting here will seem really hard. sorry — you know i always tell it like it is.
so in no particular order, i guess i’ll use this time to give you a few pieces of advice . . . or maybe just things to think about. i know you know everything. at least just pretend you’re paying attention.
- stop being so dramatic and hard on your mom. you guys are gonna end up being really good friends and you’ll really miss her one day when you guys live in different cities and she’s not around every single day being a complete pain.
- one day you will get your dad and your stepmom. in fact, you’ll actually come to think they’re pretty cool. crazy, right? you’ll get much closer with them, too, and will actually learn a lot.
- you are beautiful. stop worrying about how fat you are. please. i promise, in 20 years, you will kill to weigh 125. i look at pictures of you and wonder how you could possibly be worried at all.
- that said, get your ass to the gym. it would have made it way easier on me if you’d made exercise a regular habit long before you did. skinny bitch.
- please take life a little more seriously. i know. it’s hard to buckle down when simply floating from experience to experience is so damn much fun, things just kind of fall into your lap and then you always land on your feet, somehow. i know. but man. imagine where we could be now if we’d just taken school or our career choices a little more seriously . . .
- you get the guy in the end. i’m not gonna say which one. and i’m not gonna tell you what you have to go through to do it. you’ll figure all that out on your own. all i’m gonna say is get comfortable, cuz it’s a long ride, girl. but it’s completely, completely worth it in the end.
- stay independent. we got to where we are — and will get to wherever we’re going — by always being able to take care of ourselves. whether that means having enough money to take care of a problem or the know-how or connections to figure it out, that’s one of the things i’m proudest of us for.
- treasure your friends. you’ve got some great ones. you won’t always be friends with all the people you’re friends with now — but a lot of them, you will! and you’ll meet even more along the way. we have definitely been blessed with a lot of really good, good people.
- don’t do stupid shit. you’re way too trusting and it’s honestly a miracle we didn’t end up a victim of a serial killer (multiple) or drug overdose (Tracks, early 90s) or the fall guy for some offshore money laundering scheme (okay, that one never happened, but i mean, it so could have.) my point is, just please think about what you’re doing and with whom a little more.
- it’s gonna be awesome. everything works out in the end. i promise! like i said earlier, it’s not always easy. but so far, you’ve made me really proud about how you handle it all. well, i mean, except maybe the closet-slashing incident. but it’s given us comedic fodder for years.
anyway, keep being amazing and let’s try and do this in person sometime soon! i’ll use my SkyMiles to fly you down here (get that!) and i know a couple cool spots to hang out that i’m sure you’ll love. oh, and by the way, i know this Mark Twain quote is the same one i used for the letter to my older self. but it’s still so appropriate. number 11: the more things change, the more they stay the same!