first. let me start by absolutely confirming that there are no issues of the nature that might require such, um, performance-enhancing pharmaceuticals in this household. none, whatsoever, thank you very much.
but damn, y’all. i’m turning 44 in a week-ish. Spy hits the big 5-0 in April. and all of a sudden, i’m sitting here watching my usual cable news programming. and as sure as there’s gonna be a piece (or 6) on Donald Trump’s latest ass-hattery and breaking news about another mass shooting, there’s gonna be a Cialas ad. and suddenly, those ads aren’t filled with weird old people who you don’t even want to imagine knockin’ Rockports, much less for hours on end. nope. they’re filled with people who look like people we know. hell, y’all. they’re filled with people who look like us.
now, i know it’s entirely possible that they’ve started taking a different (read: younger) approach to casting. in fact, i was doing casting for one of our client shoots recently, where the “parents of tweens” options looked to be about 35 and the “empty nesters” options looked about my age. so clearly, nobody has a grip on this shit anymore.
but anyway, i sat with this realization a minute and didn’t even feel compelled to open another bottle of wine. then i started to worry. why am i not completely mortified that i have reached the point in my life that i could be cast in a Cialas ad? (you know, in that fantasy where i finally get discovered and become a big star.) why am i actually kind of okay with it? oh. shit. is this the age where i become complacent, stop coloring my roots, start letting myself go and finally succumb to the depressing reality that my best years are behind me?
well, maybe not so much. you gotta admit: those people in those Cialas commercials look like they’re having a pretty good time. so if i have to accept the fact that i am nipping at the heels of official middle age, the power of advertising sure does make it seem like maybe not such a bad place to be. i mean, these guys are good looking, have cute date nights and take romantic vacations where sexytime starts in separate bathtubs overlooking the ocean. heck, i could be identifying with the people in the ads for those weird walk-in bathtubs. or Life Alert. there’s probably not enough wine in Napa to console me on the day that happens.
so for this moment, claiming the Cialas cast as my peer group feels just fine. i actually feel super well-adjusted and like i have mastered the part of adulting where you stop constantly wishing you were 25 again. if i continue to experience this feeling for more than 4 hours, i will probably seek medical attention.
but seriously. talk to me next week when that pre-milestone birthday actually hits and let’s see if my mental and physical ages are still so exceptionally well aligned. until then, get off my lawn.