no rest for the weary, y’all.

i know i’m cursing a lot lately. i think i’m just getting more comfortable here and worrying less what my mom and Spy think. not that they don’t know how i speak in real life OR ever even read this.

that said, about this post. i am a big, big lister. i always make to-do lists. i start each weekend with a scorecard of what needs to be done. i have a set of tablets i make these lists on and get kind of crazy if anyone writes anything else on them. i know. issues, but whatevs. and i get such satisfaction crossing things off the list that i’ve been known to write down something totally easy that i just did, just so i can cross it off. you have your weird things, too.

but what gets me is that the list is never, ever, ever really done. amid run/nails/groceries/laundry/blog post, there are like a thousand things i do every single day that are too minimal or rote or  . . . i don’t know what . . . to even put on a list. i mean why bother to add “clean kitchen”? it’s something that needs to get done like twice a day. every day.

but i have these moments like tonight, where i’m going so above and beyond the list and i’m like gaaahhhh. how much do i do ALL the time?! <edit>actually, my real voice is more like MOTHERFUCKER. does this shit never end?</edit>

so for the past 2 weeks, we have been back on the nanny hunt. that blissful October when Ms. J. was picking up Miss Girl from school 2 times a week and staying with her until 7:00 is burned on my mind as the happiest time in my recent life. for real. 2 nights a week of someone not having to leave the office at 5:15 to get a child by 6:00 is utterly life changing. for me, it meant an extra hour and a half or working, catching up with my girls, alone time with my husband, gym or running errands. Ms. J got a full time job and i’m so psyched for her, but i needed my 3 hours a week back.

i did a posting on Care.com, where i’ve tried with mixed results before. long story short, we found someone who i think is amazing. and her first afternoon today pretty much confirms it. a huge weight is lifted and i am happy. but. Ms. D was one of like a ton of applicants. in the first day-ish, there were 4 applicants. 2 flaked. 2 we interviewed. 1 is really amazing, but young and into a bunch of stuff that childcare isn’t the primary focus. the other 1 was Ms. D.

i had already had an exchange with the runner up letting her know we loved her and would be interested in occasional babysitting. but there were literally another 15 girls who i hadn’t even responded to. crazy. so one of the not-on-the-list things i had to do tonight (because i’m not a non-responding asshole) was shoot all 15 of these girls a note letting them know we picked someone else, but wanted to keep them in mind. it didn’t take long and for most, i copied and pasted, changing out names. but a couple warranted extra personalized copy. i mean. we still haven’t sent Christmas thank you notes, but this shit is done. and done well, i might add. i already have a few positive responses back, and those girls are top of the list for occasional babysitting, no doubt.

that said, really glad Ms. D unloaded my dishwasher tonight. for now, i can kind of equate the time it would have taken me to do that to the time it took me to be a decent, responsive human being to all these girls. neither activity was on the official to-do list. but both were immensely important. even on a night when i thought i was caught up on everything and had a free moment for . . . well, who knows? that invisible to-do list is still, always there. ugh.