Blogtober14: a secret about me

before i get into today’s post, i want to point out for anyone who’s keeping track that while i did technically post yesterday, i did my own thing instead of following the prompt and linking up. so that still counts as writing everyday! go me!

now, for my secret. shhhhhh. you’re lookin’ at it. yep. this blog is a secret. well, maybe not a secret as much as just something i haven’t told many people about.

see, i’ve kept this thing off and on and in a bunch of different formats under different names since around 2010. it was always locked down and just kind of my place to write. i always wanted it to be public . . . someday . . . but was never really comfortable with the shape it was taking. i had a hard time finding an angle, a purpose and, let’s be honest, consistency in both what i was writing and how often. i didn’t want to put something out into the world that i didn’t feel 100% confident about because OMG what if someone didn’t like it? what if someone thought it was dumb? what if someone thought i was dumb? and then what if people talked behind my back about how dumb the whole thing was? UGH.

i work in an industry where everyone’s got “creative” side projects. everybody’s a fucking artist, right? and there’s a lot of judgement that goes on about what everyone else is doing, as well as a lot of competition to be doing the coolest thing that’s getting the most attention or making the most money or whatever. there was recently a lot of chatter in those circles about American Blogger and how dumb that whole thing was. i never got involved enough in the conversation to determine whether the criticism was more about the bloggers, the film or the super-cheesy VO on the trailer. but it seemed clear that i and my little pursuit were completely at risk for ridicule, given the circumstances. and i might just die if that happened.

and then at some point in September, i kind of just said fuck it, took the password off and let this thing out into the world. it’s totally a work in progress. isn’t that just the nature of life? and being here and doing this isn’t about what anyone else thinks. i mean, obvs, it’s awesome when i can see that people read what i write and like it and follow me and comment and all that really good stuff (all 30 of you are completely the best!!). i mean, who doesn’t like to get some kudos for something they make? nobody, that’s who. but my main goal with this thing is to focus on writing consistently and explore where that takes me creatively and career-wise. i love that it makes me think more about things that happen in my everyday life so that i can (at least try to) write thoughtfully about them, and that i do more cooking and crafty projects and things like that so i have more to write posts about! Spy, my mom and a handful of girlfriends are the only people i’ve officially told so far. though, i don’t think any of them have actually read any of it more than the one time i sent the link and asked for some feedback. sheesh, guys. jk. kind of?

anyway, the more i write, the less i worry what anyone thinks, which is kind of exactly the point. i think. maybe one day soon, i’ll feel confident enough about it to share more liberally with people i actually know. until then, a huge thanks to anyone who’s gotten to the end of this — or any other post for that matter, and might even keep reading — for sharing this little secret with me.